Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Shoulda Stayed in Bed.

"You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don't. Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones. I just - I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope! And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today. " -Meredith Grey, 'It's the End of the World', 2006

Meredith Grey said it best... Okay so I'm probably being a little dramatic, but I totally had one of those Grey's Anatomy, End of the World kind of days today. I woke up in a funk. Things just didn't seem/go right today.

Not like I'm going to die but it was raining pouring here this morning and I just didn't want to get out of bed. I would have been perfectly happy hiding under my covers with my wiener dog ignoring the world. But alas my alarm went off, or rather, buzzed loudly in my ears and I had to get up and face my day. My whole day sucked, however, it was not worthy of me writing about. What is worthy is that this evening after my crappy shitty (thats right, I said it) day, I legitimately, totally, almost set my house ON FIRE!

Not even kidding. The carpet was ablaze. So how did this happen your probably wondering. Well my friends, let me tell you. 

It was a regular night after a lame day and all I wanted to do was get into my snuggly jammies, turn on my fireplace and melt my troubles away into reality TV bliss. I have a gas fireplace, so for those of you who don't know, to light it I have to turn a metal nozzle off to the side and then light the fire. A normal person would use a "grill lighter" (a lighter with a long nose) but I don't have one of those because it's one of those things you never think about buying until you need it. Nope. Instead I've been using a twisted up piece of newspaper. That was a lie. What I meant to say was thick tissue paper. Obviously stupid. At this point I would like to mention my dad is a fireman. So I lit the fire and everything was fine, except the flame on the paper usually fizzles out when the fire is lit. When it didn't I tried to "tap" it out. That didn't work either, so instead of throwing it in the fire like I should have, I decided to salvage the burning paper and run it to the kitchen sink. Halfway there the burning paper really started burning! So much so, it got to my hand burning three of my fingers. (I now have blisters). Of course the shock and pain caused me to drop what was left of the paper on the floor. And thats how the carpet went in flames. 

Just so you know (Thank the Lord) unlike the movies, when flames hit carpet they don't automatically catch to curtains and head through the ceiling. This could also be because my cheap apartment carpet is made of synthetic fibers not natural ones (Thank you Textiles Class) so rather than spreading, it just kind of simmered, melting my beautiful new white carpet. Luckily, my quick thinking and cat-like reflexes kicked in and in no time (not wanting to lose sight of the fire) I had my 'Love Pink' hoodie off and was stomping the fire out in my bra. I didn't even set off my fire alarm!

It took 15 minutes to regroup and get my heart beat back on track, and another 10 to try and coax Rox out from under my dining table before I could even think about how to fix the burn marks in my carpet. After diligently trimming and cutting, I am proud to say that unless I told you I had set the carpet on fire, I bet you wouldn't be able to tell.... Or find it for that matter!

So what is the lesson for todays post? Aside from staying in bed when you think that you should. DO NOT USE TISSUE PAPER TO LIGHT A FIRE. Ever!

Hope all you Diary Readers had a better day than me!


PS. It was brought to my attention, and I have to say that I agree, I am falsely advertising my blog by saying it's about food, sex and design when really I mostly post about design. I plan on fixing this ASAP. Stay tuned for a mini revamp.

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