Thursday, October 13, 2011

The right time for SEX

Anna Faris's new movie has got me thinking a lot about dating and sex. I haven't seen it yet, and quite honestly I don't think I'll be wasting any of my movie gift cards to go to the theaters for it but for those who aren't aware of the gist, I'll explain it to you.

Anna plays a  hopelessly single woman who's convinced she's passed up the man of her dreams. After reading a magazine article that leaves her disheartened about her future marriage prospects, she begins to fear that one of her 20 ex-boyfriends/hook-ups may have been "the one that got away." So she pays a visit to each of her exes in order to reel in the perfect catch with a little help from her uber cute neighbor, Chris Evans, who I'm sure ends up being "the one".

In the movie she has the highest sex number of all her friends, 20. Now, I have to agree, this is a higher number, but for this day and age is it really? People are having sex younger, it's easier to have safe sex, and quite frankly, sex is everywhere! You can't escape it! 

Being a single girl myself, I would say I'm seasoned in the sex world. However, I'm past my point of having, shall we say "college fun." I did it and it was fun, but now I'm older and I'm not really looking for that anymore. I'm ready for something a little more serious. Which brings me to my next question. When dating, when's the right time for sex?

Whether you're new to the dating scene, you're a regular player, or you're jumping back in after long time off, how do you know when the right time is right for sex? This is a tricky question! If it's too soon you're a slut and if you hold out too long he can lose interest... (sad but true ladies.) According to Tom Leykis, a man should get sex with a woman after the third date. That seems a little soon to me, also, is this three dates in a row? Three dates in a month? Or does it even matter?

Of course I would say that you should do it when it feels right. But you should be ready for when it does feel right, and to do that you both have to be on the same page. I'm not sure if there is one formula or if it's a 'one size fits all' (if you will) kind of thing for every dating relationship. Each person is different and expects different things, but I think it is important to remember: sex does not always imply that there is a commitment. Having an honest conversation with yourself is important because you should know your emotional boundaries. Women are emotional creatures, and most of the time sex and emotions are one in the same. According to Dr. Cheryl McClary, professor at the University of North Carolina-Asheville, emotional wholeness is crucial to the decision process of whether or not to have sex. If you value your relationship you should ask yourself "What do I need to stay emotionally whole?" Believe me, in the heat of the moment, with a sexy man, I know that is way easier said than done! So you should have already thought about these things before hand. Ugh, right? To help you out with this, WebMD has come up with a few practical dating rules to help you decide when you'll be ready for the horizontal tango! 

1. Once you've decided what you would like out of a date, you should make it apart of your regular dating rules. 

2. If you want a one night stand, tell your partner that it's just the sex you're after. If you want more say so. This will help minimize later disappointments.

3. Make sure the sex that you will have will be safe (no STD's allowed!) and obviously it should be consensual.

I'm sure that most of you are thinking to yourselves "DUH! These 'rules' are obvious Kate!" And while I agree, I think that they may often times be overlooked. I am by no means a sexpert, but I am a single girl with questions! I know that I can't be the only one wondering how to play the terribly confusing game of love. And sadly I don't know if there are any real solid answers. If only life were that easy! But I thought this little post might help point some of you Diary Readers in the right direction when it comes to new dating and sex. Good luck and have fun! 


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