If It Were a Snake...

Hi Muffins!

So. I have a story to tell you. A ridiculous, I'm losing my mind, if it were a snake it would have bit me moment that lasted two whole weeks story.

It all started Monday, July 30th. I had come home from Wesley's. (I stay at his place every weekend and usually come home that Monday with a ton more stuff than what I left with.) This particular weekend we made a Target trip, so of course I had to buy $150 worth of things that my life just would not be complete without. Then later had to lug it home, along with my 3 overnight bags and a very excited and untamable wiener dog in 96 degree weather. Because I have to take an elevator to get to the 3rd floor to my apartment, I feel it's necessary to make everything in one trip. Regardless of the fact that the  humidity in California right now is so bad it's like walking into a warm wet sponge or that I am so out of shape it's gross.

After some straining, some sweating and yelling at Roxie, I finally got to the front door to my little abode, turned the key in the lock and fell into the doorway with my belongings. As soon as I walked in, Jesus Jugs called me back. I had called her on my way home and was dying to tell her about the shitty weekend that I had had. When it rains it pours right? So I'm talking to her and unpacking and doing laundry and all that shiz. During the conversation it occurs to me that I MAY have left my keys in the lock. I check. See that they're not there, think nothing of it and continue on with my conversation. The rest of the evening is not important to the story.

The next morning I remembered that I had a big bag of puppy kibbles in the car. The one thing left over from my Target run that I didn't bring inside the day before. To feed my hungry puppy I run to my purse to grab my keys. Alas, they are not there. I run to the hooks next to my front door, where I usually keep them. No luck. I then scour the apartment. I looked in the fridge, the garbage, my laundry, the overnight bags. Still no keys. I looked in drawers, in cabinets. Every nook and cranny I could possibly think of, as well as every idiotic place Google listed that they might be. Yes, there is a Google search for that. I was desperate. I even went to the leasing office to see if someone had found them and turned them in. Nope.

After a little crying and wallowing in my own self pity I decided that only one thing could have happened.

THEY WERE STOLEN FROM MY DOOR!

Freaking out that me, my belongings and of course Roxie may not be safe I ran down to the leasing office again to see that my locks could be changed. You wouldn't think this would be such a hard thing for a maintenance man to do but 2 locks, 5 trips and 4 hours later my door was safely secured. Next was my car problem. I had a spare so I could get in my car, but to keep it from treacherous thieves was going to be trickier. So I called my Knight in Shining Black Infiniti. I knew he would know what to do. And he did. After much discussion of what happened when I came home the day before, and a short re-inactment on his part, we both decided that it was true. My keys were stolen from my door. I went to work that night and Wes went to Auto Zone to get me a club for my steering wheel. 

I was relieved that my apartment was safe and, felt confident that my car would stay wherever I parked it with club on it. I went the next 2 weeks hellishly emptying out my car every time I left it in my parking garage. It wasn't too bad because I only did this when I was home, which now is not that often but it's still a pain in the ass. And whoever invented the automatic lock was a genius because let me tell you. Not having it sucks! A few times I left my sunglasses or a pair of heels in the car and would expect them to be gone when I got to it the next time, but everything stayed the way I left it. Always. This then made me come up with the conclusion that this key thief was pissed that I outsmarted him by preventing every way possible for him to rob me. And was therefore getting back at me by playing mind games, waiting to steal my car when I least expected it!

I had finally accepted the fact that my keys were gone and that I would just use my spare until my lease was up before I would get a new set. Then on Saturday I was wrapping a present for my friend's going away party and I needed scissors out of my craft drawer, in my closet. When I opened the drawer, low and behold there were my keys!

No freaking way! I couldn't believe it. I had even been working on some crafts, (that I plan on writing about soon) and had been in and out of most of my craft drawers that whole week except that one. How did they get there? I couldn't tell you if my life depended on it. I go on auto-pilot while talking on the phone so I must have been doing something with them when I was gossiping. Who the heck knows.

I am just happy that I can now use the automatic lock for my car and I no longer have to use 'the club'. I spent hours of time and probably added some wrinkles to my forehead looking for the damn things. Not to mention spent $200.00 on the locks and the club for peace of mind. But it was worth it. I have my keys and I am okay! As my mother would say.... (Which is all the the freaking time because she does things like this a lot.) "If it were a snake it would have bit me!"